Been There Done That

               This post will be short and sweet just like our visit to Istanbul. We only had 22 hours in the city itself, and most of those were not spent touring. 2 and a half were spent driving from the airport to the hotel which ended up being by far the worst traffic jam I have ever been in. There’s always something new to experience. After arriving at the hotel, we went out to eat. I really couldn’t decide between all of the different kebabs they had, so I got the combination platter, which both was and wasn’t a mistake. The good thing about it was that the food was amazing! And the bad thing about it was that the food was amazing! I ate so much that I felt like I was going to pop.

               We woke up the next morning and quickly saw the outsides of both the Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque. In my opinion, the Blue Mosque looked way cooler, but I’ve heard the interior of the Hagia Sophia is quite spectacular. Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to wait for the opening because our plane was leaving. Maybe another day.

               We are now pretty much settled in back in the States and have begun the tedious process of looking for jobs. Although I’m sure there will be many more adventures to come, this will be the last one on this blog. I hope that you all have enjoyed following along on our trip. If I may, I would like to impart some lessons that both Hannah and I have learned from our experiences:

1)      It’s best not to go to Southeast Asia.

2)      Macedonian and Turkish food is amazing.

3)      Just because tests say you’re healthy doesn’t mean that you are.

4)      Trust God to provide.

5)      Traveling to different countries can be fun.

6)      It’s best not to go to Southeast Asia.

Almost There

               Obviously, I decided to take a short break from blogging. I figured I would combine the week spent with my parents into one post. Our journey from Prague to Munich where we met them was, of course, an experience. I think I now have a feeling of what it is like to be a cow on one of those trains where they are carting them to their impending slaughter. Or maybe just how it feels to be a soldier on a transport train. There was no room. Luckily, we did book a seat; however, it took us more than 30 minutes of squeezing around people and their luggage to get there. If I wanted to go forward, the person in front of me was certain to want to go backwards. It also didn’t help that all the train announcements were in German once we got into Germany. No more English. I guess the Germans also have a thing for “If you’re in my country you’ll speak my language!”

               The next day, we set out for a 2-hour car trip to Salzburg. Unfortunately, it was raining that day, and as a result, there wasn’t much to see. However, we did all frolic around the fountain used in The Sound of Music while singing “Doe a Deer.” OK, maybe Mom did with Hannah in tow, but I decided a long time ago that I would not condone any Sound of Music activities while in Salzburg. (For those that want to make your brain bleed out your eardrums, I did find a singing Sound of Music tour that you can go on where the guide sings to you.) After getting that out of the way, we stopped by Salzburg castle and after eating a lunch of schnitzel, we went to Mozart’s house.

               The next day found us going to Neuschwanstein Castle. Many of you might recognize this castle as being the inspiration for the Disney castle seen in every Disney movie. It didn’t look like much from a distance, but the closer we got, the more spectacular it appeared. My favorite view of the castle was probably one from a hiking trail nearby. Since it is up in the mountains, it had a nice overview of the valley and lake below. I definitely recommend visiting if you’re in the area. After stopping there, we headed down to Innsbruck which is a small town surrounded by the Alps. Since we only spent a night there, it’s hard to say what the city is really like, but I could see myself going back there someday.

               From Innsbruck we traveled to Florence. I’ve never seen so much marble anywhere else in the world as I did in Italy. Trying to think about how they built such impressive structures gives me a headache, and I’m sure lots of people died in the process. We saw a copy of the famous David statue by Michelangelo, and also saw one of the most impressive cathedrals of the trip to that point. I felt like an ant standing next to it as I was realizing that the marble bricks used were bigger than I was. Words can’t really describe it. The Duomo in Florence is just something you really have to see for yourself.

               Now, we get to the highlight of my trip: Rome. I had been looking forward to this since we started planning our trip back at the beginning of the year. Well, I’ve probably been looking forward to it ever since I was a little kid playing Age of Empires on the computer. I could build Rome in a day on that game, but the city was no comparison. Everywhere we turned, there was some extravagant marble building, some cool fountain or statue, or some very old building or relic. We got into the city around sunset on the first day, and it was gorgeous. If you are ever in Rome, I highly recommend climbing to an observation point of some kind to watch the sun go down over the ancient buildings and domes of the city. It’s something you won’t soon forget.

               On our second day, we took a tour of the Vatican. Before the tour, our guide was explaining about how you can spend weeks in the museums there, and I have to say I really didn’t believe her. Minutes in a museum is enough to rot the flesh off my skin, but I was wrong. There is so much history there including statues dating back to the 1^st century BC! Everywhere you looked, there was history in the form of art. I’ve really never considered myself an art person, but I would enjoy going back to those museums to just look at some of the ancient statues. Of course, we passed through the Sistine Chapel, and it does live up to its hype. You don’t really realize how big it is until you are there yourself looking up at the ceiling and wondering, “How on earth does someone have the patience to paint this for 4 years?” Our last stop on the tour was a visit to the largest cathedral, St. Peter’s Basilica. The opulence is mind-blowing. Looking around, I can only imagine what the reformers must have been thinking when battling the church. They were going up against vast wealth and power beyond description. I guess one good thing about the church’s greed and corruption back then is that we now have a lot of preserved history and art as a result.

               From the Vatican, we wandered over to the Pantheon (which was converted into a church later on by some jerk pope. I think it would’ve been SUPER cool to see the original statues of the Roman gods in there, but instead there were statues of saints and Biblical figures. Like there aren’t enough of those already.) I think the coolest thing about the Pantheon was the dome. It is super huge, and again, I can’t figure out how they must have built it. Those Romans were some pretty smart dudes. From there, we went to the Spanish Steps. I’m really not sure why these are famous… maybe it’s because it’s in Italy, built by the French, and sits below the Spanish embassy. Or it’s just a bunch of marble steps with a good overlook of Rome. Either way, been there done that.

               Our last day in Rome was spent touring the Colosseum and Forum. Both were really cool, but again, the church had to go and do its thing. Apparently, a lot of the marble used to build the buildings was repossessed during the Middle Ages to build opulent churches. History is destroyed to create new history, and the cycle continues. The ruins are still spectacular though. The amount of engineering and architecture that went into designing the Colosseum is spectacular, and the grand scale of the Forum and surrounding buildings is mind-blowing. I can only imagine what it looked like back when all of the buildings were standing WITH their marble exteriors.

               I was also able to cross off something on my bucket list: eating gelato on a cobble stone street in a Roman plaza while people watching. Don’t ask me how this got on there. Maybe it’s cause that’s what I always see cool people doing in movies. Maybe it’s just cause it is in and of itself cool. Either way, eating a gelato on the steps of the Pantheon: check!

               Our last day was spent driving up to Milan. We made a stop in Pisa to see the tower: check! Got a picture of me pushing the tower over (onto Hannah): check! Had a guy offer to watch the car if we bought something from him… OK, that one wasn’t on my list, but it made for an interesting experience. Upon arriving in Milan, we went out for a bite, and then Hannah and I made the 40-minute walk to the Duomo in Milan. It was probably the coolest exterior of a cathedral I have seen on this trip. (We couldn’t go inside cause it was closed.) The doors were huge (probably made of brass) and contained different Biblical scenes. All around the outside of the church were different people (some dying). We’re guessing that they are martyrs or saints. Gargoyles at the top with cool pointy-roof-thingies (to use the technical term). It was all marble!

               We are currently waiting for a plane to our last stop before Chicago: Istanbul!

Living History

               Of all of the cities I have been to, Prague ranks either 1^st or at the very least in the top 5. I could list any number of reasons for this. The incredible history and how many of the streets and buildings have remained the same; the beauty of the architecture; the character of the cobblestone streets; the amazingly cheap and efficient public transportation. The list goes on. However, the food doesn’t even come close to Macedonia which goes to show that you can’t get everything you want. They do make up for it in their desserts though…

               After arriving on our first day, we took a quick nap and decided to explore the city. We started in Old Town which is aptly named because it is, well, old. Many of the buildings there were constructed in the 1400s or before. (Some information may be slightly inaccurate because I hate tours and just looked some stuff up on Wikipedia.) In the middle of the square is a statue to John Huss, and it was surreal to think that I was walking on the same streets as he had walked on, and those before and after him. Many of the buildings were the same ones there when he was alive, minus the tourists of course.

               Hannah did a good job of showing me around except for all the times she got lost. :p But she did also help me know which foods to try and which ones really weren’t worth it. Another cool thing about Prague is that it seems as if every building has some cool history behind it. As we were walking, we decided to duck into a church to see what was inside. It was gorgeous! I’m sure to those living in Europe, it is nothing new. But when your exposure to gothic style comes from a picture in a book, walking around inside and experiencing it for yourself is not something you’ll soon forget. Huge ornate statues layered in gold, high vaulted ceilings, and everything decked out to the nines. I would give a lot to be able to play the pipe organs in those churches.

               Prague castle is supposedly the biggest castle in the Western world, but it wasn’t that special. The cathedral inside of it though, was a different story. Hannah and I agreed that the outside of it was way more impressive than the inside, especially after the one church we had already visited where the opposite was true. We climbed a spiral, stone staircase to the top to enjoy a great view of Prague. Not far from there, we visited a monastic library that was used as a model in Beauty and the Beast. Seriously, I feel I could spend a very long time in this city checking out different things and never run out of things to see or do.

               Hannah and I are now getting ready to depart for Munich where we will meet up with my parents. It seems that whatever mystery disease I had is rearing its ugly head one last time to give me a bad cold (which is nothing compared to its previous rearings). It’s time to leave former communism and Slavic languages behind as we venture into Western Europe.

A Breath of Fresh Air

               I don’t know if it will ever be possible to top our China story. In my experience, the more interesting story is usually made by what goes wrong rather than what goes right. There’s not much to be said for “We walked on the Great Wall, and the view was gorgeous!” other than throwing in your favorite vocabulary words to try and spice up a bland event. That being said, I really enjoyed my time in Macedonia. As I’ve been traveling, I have been keeping a mental list of countries that I wouldn’t mind living in. Don’t ask me what the criteria are because there aren’t any other than a general impression. Macedonia makes the list (along with Singapore), but I would of course prefer the former if for nothing else than Singapore is really hot all the time.

               Since we had to book a plane ticket last minute from China, we ended up flying into the capital of Bulgaria instead of Skopje. On the flight, they handed out sandwiches. After eyeing mine with a suspicious look, I decided it couldn’t hurt that much and downed it. No negative reaction. They had also handed me a piece of chocolate that was just begging to be tried. I could almost hear it calling, “You’re feeling better now and haven’t had anything sweet in weeks. What harm could I do?” A lot. I didn’t immediately regret my decision much like a child doesn’t immediately regret what he/she has done until the mother and father arrive on scene. However, on our bumpy decent down into Bulgaria, my stomach started to churn, and the acid reflux I had been fighting began to rebel. After landing, we headed for the baggage claim, and that’s when it hit me. The familiar feeling of nausea accompanied by the same feeling of regret previously said child would feel. Exiting out of baggage, you can imagine my mixed feelings when seeing Mom and Dad. In my mind, it was a “Hey! I’m so glad to see you guys again!” mixed with a “I just wanna not be conscious until this goes away.” Fortunately, over the course of our 4-hour drive back to Skopje, the feeling slowly resided. I like to joke that Macedonia healed me. It was as if crossing the border just lifted my symptoms right out of me. And by dinner, I ate a full portion of food (which I think had been a first in over 3 weeks.)

               I’ve loved being able to experience the places of all of Hannah’s childhood memories. It’s always great for my mind to have a picture along with a story. Tell me a story in an unfamiliar setting, and I’ll forget it. Tell me a story where I can picture something, and it’s trapped in my mind. We even visited Hannah’s childhood apartment and found her name written on the wall outside the door. She claims she didn’t write it though. While walking through her old neighborhood, we met a world famous concert pianist on a walk with his kids. For those of you in Chicago, he will be playing at Ravinia with the Chicago Symphony on July 16^th of next year.

               They also took me to the sights of Macedonia. Granted, it was nothing quite as exquisite as the limestone cliffs of Thailand or the architecture of Singapore. But it did have its own charm. OK, maybe there were a few too many statues cluttering the city, but to a simple American, it’s not always a bad thing. We took a cable car up the mountain to overlook the city and countryside which was also pretty nice. We also visited a place called Matka. It reminded me a lot of the kind of scenery Hannah and I would see on our Korean hikes: lots of rocky mountains next to a river. The only difference being that we shared the trail with people that didn’t stare at us for being white. It’s nice to blend in and enjoy nature. I almost feel camouflaged here in Europe. No one seems to notice me behind my white skin.

               One of the many highlights of this trip was the food; for several reasons. First, I hadn’t actually eaten anything with taste since about September 5^th. (I am of course discounting the chocolate on the plane.) When stuck to a diet of blah for that long, just about anything will taste heavenly. Second, the food is actually quite amazing. Whose mouth wouldn’t water with the whispering drifts of cheese filled chicken wrapped in bacon? With a side of freshly baked and seasoned bread? With a pepper paste and cheese? And with drinkable yogurt to wash it all down? OK, well maybe those of the lactose intolerant persuasion wouldn’t find it the most enjoyable, but I was digging in for sure. Up until Macedonia, I had lost roughly 17 pounds from my mystery disease, and I think I gained a good 5-6 pounds of it back in the week I was there. Now Hannah and I can crave Macedonian food together throughout the rest of our lives. I feel her pain.

               The week flew by the quickest in our vacation so far. I really wish that we had more time to spend there with friends and family, but things are what they are. Onwards and upwards as they say to one of the most beautiful cities in the world: Prague.

Unforgettable - Part 4

               So many things happened on this day that it can only be attributed to God and the power of prayer. I want to really thank everyone who was praying for us because God answered your prayers. My relative and his wife told us of a Western hospital in Beijing in which it is very easy to be admitted and hard to leave. This seemed to be the exact opposite of Chinese hospitals. It sounded great so far until we heard the catch: they charge Western prices. To give you an idea of the Chinese costs up to this point, we paid somewhere between 200-300 dollars for everything. The scans, blood work, overnight stay, medication, and IVs. The scoffing and rudeness came free apparently. We weren’t sure of what the prices would be at the Western hospital, but we were told that seeing the doctor would be between 100-200 dollars. It was sounding more and more like America, but we didn’t have much choice and booked an appointment.

                Upon arriving to the hospital, we met with the doctor where I actually got a chance to explain my symptoms. Previous to this, I was never able to really explain things fully because of constant interruptions of “Everything is perfectly fine.” “You are just tired from traveling.” and “You just aren’t used to Asian food.” I was also able to personally explain things because all of the doctors and staff spoke very good English. After explaining my symptoms, the doctor looked over my tests and concurred with the others that everything was fine (which I was pretty tired of hearing at this point). We then began telling her our story and how we needed to be admitted. Luckily, there was a bed available for me, and we started on the paperwork for admission.

               I should add here that at this point, I really think that my recovery would have been quicker in a hotel because I was able to eat slight bits and drink a little bit of water. I was only admitted for the visa issue.

               By the time the paperwork was done and everything finished. The doctor wrote a note and gave it to Hannah and my relatives. It was around 3:30PM, and the visa office closed at 5PM. They had to go from the hospital to the police station to register us. They then had to go to the visa office. For those of you familiar with the DMV, both the police and visa offices can be similar experiences not to mention the stop-and-go traffic you have to wade through to just get there. I knew there wasn’t going to be enough time. As they were leaving, I was praying for a miracle. (I obviously stayed in the hospital.) It turns out that they had very little traffic on their way and no lines at the police station. They arrived at the visa office 40 minutes late as they were closing the gates. However, after explaining the situation, they reopened for us. Apparently, what they told us before about being admitted wasn’t really true. The lady said that she couldn’t extend our visas and was trying to think of ways to get me out of the country. But, seeing as I still couldn’t stand or sit for more than 3 minutes, there didn’t seem to be much of a choice. After much persistence from my relatives (I’m told they were quite insisting) they relented and made an exception. For those who are acquainted with the wonders of bureaucracy, you can appreciate how rarely exceptions happen. The only catch was that they had to take our passports to process a new visa which would take 10 days. When I heard the news, I was overjoyed. 10 more days in China was a much better alternative than rotting in a jail.

               We decided to stay the night in the hospital just in case immigration decided to call and check on if I really was there. The next day, we picked up the bill and staggered a bit at the price. Luckily, I was persuaded to buy traveler’s insurance before leaving on our trip which SHOULD cover up to 100,000 US dollars in case of medical emergency. I’m pretty sure my situation will qualify, but we will have to wait to hear back from the claim.

               My relatives in China were so amazing to us. Not only did they go out of their ways to translate and take of us in the hospitals, but they also took us into their home to wait out the time until our passports came back. They fed us and kept us entertained with conversation. We are forever indebted to their hospitality and kindness.

               My recovery was slow (as I’m writing this I would say that I’m at about 98%). However, I made marked improvements most days. It is very easy to see progress when you’ve felt like you were knocking on death’s door. Apparently I got the wrong door though since all the tests came back “perfectly normal.” The dizziness faded one day, then the nausea another day, the hot flashes another etc. There were still difficult times of doubt and depression. I struggled with persisting symptoms as I had never had anything that lasted more than 48 hours before. The doctors had me on a diet of stuff my stomach doesn’t have to work to digest. This basically means no acidic foods, no spicy foods, and no oily foods. To put it simply, no taste. Plain oatmeal, boiled eggs, and bread became my diet for about 2 weeks. Every day, I was able to eat slightly more and gained more strength. When I felt well enough for a walk, Hannah and I walked a city block. (You can see from the picture that it was a unusually less-polluted day.) I promptly went back and had to take a 2-hour nap. Eventually, I my strength returned and I was able to be upright for the majority of the day.

               When our passports came back, we took a look at our visas. We were kind of hoping for a 10-year visa to China but were a bit surprised when our visa was good until the next day. That gave us the remainder of the day to book a flight out of China. After some stress and running around, we got a flight to Italy and from there to Bulgaria where Hannah’s parents picked us up and drove us to Macedonia. We were a bit scared leaving China though. Obviously, my whole situation was not normal immigration procedure. Even though we did everything legally, there were still holes that could have been questioned. For example, there was no record of us being in China between the 10^th and the 20^th. In America, that would warrant a “Please come with me sir” into a side room with where I would get to see some intimidating men questioning me. Again, maybe Hollywood has ruined my mind, but these were our thoughts. China isn’t always the most friendly of places to be in trouble. The lady at immigration took my passport and saw the 72-hour visa, then the other visa on a different page. After looking puzzled for what I’m sure felt longer than it actually was, she stamped it and waved me through.

               As we were flying out on the plane, Hannah and I had the feeling of the Americans escaping Iran in the movie Argo. We were joking that an announcement would come over the loudspeakers something like this. “You may now use Facebook and Google as we have officially cleared Chinese airspace.”

               And so ends the epic saga. It wasn’t what we intended, but it was by far a better story than the usual “I saw the Forbidden City” that everyone comes back with. Not many tourists get the full 4-hospital experience along with souvenir pictures of their internal organs. God taught us so much from the whole experience, and I can honestly say now that I’m glad it happened, but I hope it doesn’t happen again!

Unforgettable - Part 3

               As I slowly got out of the hospital bed to test my sea legs, I was feeling good. It had been the first time I had stood without nausea in about 2 days. I walked around a little, and then it hit me in a ginormous wave. To say that I was surprised would have been an understatement equal to saying that Hugh Jackman “might not have been the best pick” for the main singing role in Les Miserable. I quickly got back down on the bed and regretted every mental process that ever caused me to stand up. Lying back down made the feeling go away slightly, but only in the way that scoring one goal in a soccer game where the score is already 0-10 gives you a slightly better chance at winning. Soon after this, it was the doctors’ turn to come in and tell me that, once again, everything was fine and dandy with me. Cue a feeling of misery.

               They told me that I couldn’t stay the night there. If you remember from the previous post, I needed to be admitted somewhere or face the “or else” from the Chinese government. My mind immediately went to being super sick in a Chinese prison where they serve me worse-than-gloop for the remainder of my miserable days. I was begging my relative/translator to beg the doctors to let me stay in the hospital or at least give me more magic stomach IV medication. Apparently, they said they could only give me one magic dose per day. They then told me to get up and try walking around so they could see how “well” I was. I was prepared with a plastic bag for what I was sure to follow.

As I stood, the nausea came back more fiercely than before, but I wanted to show them just how sick I was. I staggered a few steps forward before another familiar sensation hit. As a child, I had many encounters with fainting. Seeing blood, overheating, you name it. I’ve probably fainted from it at one point in my past. I say this to let you know how familiar I am with the sensation. So, as I was staggering across the hospital floor and realized that my vision was quickly closing in, I made a quick decision. My options were to either really show those doctors how sick I was and probably end up with some broken teeth (I’m very grateful that I was a shorty as a child. The bigger they are…) Or, I could just get on the floor to avoid any further misery and pain. I chose the latter which in hindsight probably looked to them like a wasted driver trying to prove to the police how not drunk he/she is by walking a straight line in a zig-zag. I think (the details are a bit hazy when you’re about to pass out) that I fell to my knees and did a roll over backwards onto the ground. As I was lying face down on the infectious virus/liver diseased hospital floor, I expected doctors to come rushing to my aid. At least, that’s what happens in all the TV shows when the star patient collapses on the floor. Of course, I would have stopped them before they used the paddles. I’m not that much of a drama queen. However, much to my surprise after the few seconds it took for me to regain consciousness all of the doctors and nurses, my crack team, hadn’t even moved. They were smirking at me from behind their desks. At the time, I didn’t understand so much, but I guess after my “fall” they weren’t so convinced.

So, after having saved my teeth to sacrifice a chance at being admitted, I had but one choice: go back to my hotel. This meant braving another trip in a taxi through the stop-and-go traffic of Beijing, except this time, I was feeling about 10 times worse than my previous wonderful experience. However, realizing that my other option was a herd of scoffing doctors, I decided that a hotel might just be the best place to at least retain my dignity. God answered our prayers though. I laid in the back of the taxi and put my head on Hannah’s lap. She held my head to help stabilize it, and the amazing thing was that I felt much more comfortable in a jerky taxi cab than I did lying still in a hospital bed. After making it to the hotel, I half crawled into a cold shower to help with the nausea. Plus, I hadn’t showered for days at this point. I then crawled into bed for what I was sure would be another night of restlessness.

I can’t remember if I explained this symptom before or not, and I’m too lazy to go back and read my own writing, so I’ll just explain it now. No matter how tired I was, I was unable to sleep. I would fall into that state where your thoughts are mixing with your dreams. However, right at that point, I would feel a sensation in my stomach I can only explain by thinking about the dropping sensation you get on a roller coaster. If that weren’t bad enough to startle me awake, my heart would also start racing. It apparently didn’t want to be left out of the fun. The combo was enough to startle me awake every single time. (This is why they did a CT scan of my brain, but of course everything was normal which I was happy about. You don’t want something wrong with your brain after all.) After the 10-15 minutes it took me to calm down, the process would repeat ad nauseam (pun intended) throughout the night.

Here’s where God did another miracle. For about an hour, I was being startled awake, and Hannah had been noticing (or maybe I woke her). After running to the bathroom for a false alarm, Hannah prayed with me that I would be able to fall asleep. Instantly afterwards, I was out like a light. (I’ve been told that the phrase “sleeping like a baby” isn’t very accurate and would more describe my previous symptom.) I woke up the next day having slept a bit, but after no sleep it was the most amazing thing. I wanted to cry when I looked at the clock and realized that I was able to sleep for 5 hours. During the whole ordeal, I (being the scientifically educated young man that I am) knew that the immune system does not function properly after not sleeping for a couple days, and I was worried that it would just spiral me down further and further. I’m sure it contributed, but this was part of why I wanted to cry when realizing I had finally slept. I might be on the road to recovery! There were still challenges to take care of though. For example, we still needed to be admitted to a hospital to get our visas extended, and it had to be done that day before 5PM when the office closed. I could put down a little bit of food, but not enough to keep up my strength. In the face of seemingly unbeatable odds, we had only one place to turn. We prayed.

Unforgettable - Part 2

               Let me preface this post with a few statements. 1) I attribute everything “lucky” or “fortunate” that happened to be nothing less than God’s care. The way that He provided for Hannah and I in China is nothing short of miraculous despite the difficult situations we found ourselves in. 2) Both Hannah and I learned so much through this experience, and God has really brought us closer to Him and closer together as a result. 3) At the end of the day, I am thankful for everything that transpired. Now, enjoy part 2 of the story.

Upon waking, I realized that going to the Great Wall was probably not the best idea for me. I was feeling better than the previous day, but I didn’t want to overdo it and ever have that feeling again. So after encouraging Hannah that she could go without me because, “What’s the worst that could happen?” she left me to try my best at eating, drinking, and sleeping. If I could rate on a scale of 1-10 how miserably I failed at all 3, it would be somewhere between Alan Rickman reading a scary story with the intent of putting children to sleep and Christopher Lee singing soprano. (If you don’t know these people, please take a moment to listen to their voices, and then this will no doubt be much more humorous.) Thankfully, Mom (to whom I am forever and eternally grateful) gave me the contact of my Aunt’s husband’s brother (otherwise known as a distant relation) and convince me to call him. I really wasn’t going to at first. After all, what can you do with a diagnosis of “Nothing’s wrong with you. Go see a doctor in your home country.” Of course though, mother is always right (read with as much sarcasm as you wish), so I called him anyway.

               I am so glad that I did. Not to spoil anything in this story, but if I hadn’t I might be rotting in a Chinese prison right now without my computer or wifi. And then how would you read this? He came right over, and traveled about an hour to do it. He took me back to the hospital I was at where he began reasoning with them in Chinese. Finally, someone to get through to them about how I’m actually feeling. It had about as much effect as my attempts the day before did: I believe the New Testament refers to it as “kicking against the goads.” Lucky for me, he had a contact in a different hospital that was very modern and could/would run tests on me. It’s not about what you know, it’s about who you know. This phrase could be modified in China to read, “Why did you even mention what you know?” Because of his contact, I was able to get in to the hospital quickly and seen by a doctor before even being registered. After ruling out scary things like malaria and dengue fever, they ran a panel of blood tests and did CT scans. Of course, they all came back with “Everything is perfectly normal.” The previous diagnosis of “Go see a doctor in your home country” never came though because “Why did you even mention what you know.” I am forever indebted to my relative in Beijing.

               They put me in a private room for the whole day and night while giving me lots of IV fluids to help my body fight whatever was destroying it. At this point, I had 3 doctors on my case. I felt a bit like a patient in the TV series “House” except my doctor wasn’t super rude and ended up not solving the case with a miraculous diagnosis and a magic pill to make me all better. Their best guess was that I had contracted some strange/undocumented/possibly new Southeast Asian virus and that I just had to wait it out. Normally, I would have been fine with this diagnosis. Americans don’t usually go to see doctors unless they are independently wealthy, have great health insurance, or are more than sure they are dying. Since the tests indicated I wasn’t going to die in the next 24 hours, I was fine with leaving. They just wanted to do a few more tests on me first though, just to be sure.

As I was being formally admitted into the hospital (I had spent the night in the emergency room) I felt my legs going numb. I was sitting in a wheelchair and thought it was a classic case of “I’ve been sitting on my butt too long and need to shift.” Shifting didn’t help though. The tingling spread to my arms as well and my vision started to blur and blacken. Having extensive experience as a child in the art of passing out, I realized what was happening and slid off the wheelchair onto the ground where the tingling quickly stopped and I regained full consciousness. At this point, Hannah and I were really scared. Apparently, my team of doctors were too. I was told later that they all proceeded to sanitize themselves as they sent me back to my private room to await instructions. Doctors being scared about what you might have is a little less comforting than waking up from your plastic surgery hearing, “Well, this is not my best work.” 

If that wasn’t bad enough, let me take you on this interlude to explain more of the visa concerns we had on top of my health. Our visas into China were a special 72-hour transit visa. This means that if you stay more than 72 hours, the infamous “or else” that plagues your mind with thoughts of the worst thing imaginable might come true. However, in order to get an extension on the visa, I had to be admitted to a hospital. At this point, I was only in the emergency room which apparently didn’t count as being admitted. The doctor’s note of “This guy is not well enough to travel” just didn’t cut it. I, however, was never admitted as you can find out by continuing to read.

               Apparently more doctors were being added to my case, and it started to feel a bit less like a TV show and more like something serious. Their best guess was that I had some form of hepatitis, and I fit most of the symptoms with the exception of jaundice. My eyes were a healthy white. However, jaundice is not always present, so they sent me to a hospital specializing in the liver and infectious viruses. I was going to get to ride in an ambulance! However, when the ambulance did finally show up, I realized that it was nothing more than a minivan with the seats taken out. It ended up being one of the worst car rides of my life. Being already prone to car sickness, the thought didn’t sit well with me to be in a hospital bed that wasn’t locked into the floor in a hot “ambulance” in stop-and-go Beijing traffic. (Not all countries have the respect for law enforcement and healthcare that America does.) But what could I do? I had just passed out from a sitting position and was in no mood to try it again.

               Well, I made it to the liver hospital alive. They did their own battery of tests including a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis, a CT scan of my brain, a chest x-ray, an ultrasound, and several blood tests. Of course, everything came back “Everything is normal.” However, there was one thing that was off. My total bilirubin was about double what it should be, but it was considered by the doctors and discarded for not being responsible for my symptoms. So, their diagnosis was, “You don’t have hepatitis, so why are you here?” At this point, I could have told them any number of reasons like intense stomach pain, intense nausea, passing out from a sitting position, etc. But, having not eaten or drank anything for 48 hours, I didn’t really have the energy. After finally consenting to give me some IV fluids and stomach medication, they let me alone for a bit. When the doctor came in to check on me, it was clear that he didn’t believe me. He told me to eat food and see what happened. My last attempt had left me racked with so much pain and nausea that it just wasn’t worth it. Unbeknownst to me, I was on magic IV stomach meds. I took a few pinches of bread determined to show this doctor how wrong he was. After having no immediate reaction, he said, “If you don’t throw up in the next 30 minutes, try some more.” I didn’t throw up, and I was getting slightly hungry. Could he have been right? I then proceeded to eat the more Chinese prescribed “gloop” that they eat when they’re sick. After eating a can over the course of 2 hours, I thought I was done with the worst of it. Then the IV stopped. And so does part 2 of the grand China adventure.